The Fish Story

Sexy Stormy Turns Investigative Reporter; Black Sand Shouldn’t Discolor the Summer

By JAY MANN | Jan 31, 2018

Regularly, this squeaky-clean column would never think of touching the likes of a well-endowed, bombshell adult film star. However, I must duly make an exception in the case of “award-winning,” triple-X actress Stephanie Clifford – commonly undressed by … I mean commonly addressed by her stage name, Stormy Daniels.

In 2004, Ms. Daniels – May I call you Stormy? – won the restrictively prestigious Adult Video News award for best new porn starlet. This year, she is nominated for a slew of similarly auspicious adult awards – winners to be announced at the upcoming Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas.

Not that I’d ever think of attending such an affair, but I’m academically interested in how the event shows the most award-worthy scenes from the nominees for Movie of the Year. Is there applaud after each scene – or just a lot of heavy breathing and people lighting cigarettes?

Anyway, many of you know why I’m touching on Stormy. And, no, it’s not to openly wonder what would happen if she married meteorologist Storm Fields. “I’d like you to meet Storm and Stormy Fields.”

Most strikingly, Stormy is the starlet who made racy-plus headlines for allegedly having a cheatin’ type affair with President Donald Trump. By the by, allegedly is a term I must use, legally. The accompanying incredulous chortling is all mine.

As to the ins and outs of the alleged affair, that’s for the tabloids to grovel over. I’m instead fully focused on some equally stunning newsiness that Stormy brought to my realm of writing … which, I believe, was once fishing. The “fishing” news stems from a time Stormy extemporaneously assumed the role of an insider newsperson – with an apparent special in with our then president-to-be.

In a casual hotel room setting, investigator Stormy coyly uncovered Trump’s fear and loathing of sharks, a fear technically known as galeophobia.

In a recent news interview, Stormy recalled sitting at a small table with her John – I mean, her Don.

“You could see the television from the little dining-room table, and he was watching Shark Week, and he was watching a special about the U.S.S. something and it sank, and it was like the worst shark attack in history,” Stormy told a reporter, adding, “He is obsessed with sharks. Terrified of sharks. He was like, ‘I donate to all these charities and I would never donate to any charity that helps sharks. I hope all the sharks die.’”

Wow! From the mouth of babes – using babes in a whole other sense.

Here and now, I want to offer my congrats to Stormy for this fascinating and informative behind-the-scenes journalistic exposé on Trump. Talk about jumping into a story with both feet – if not more. Can you picture her simultaneously winning both Journalist of the Year and Porn Star of the Year? Only in America.

The Donald’s shark-fear admission incited a feeding frenzy. Like a pack of makos going after a bleeding seal, the media ravenously ate up the president’s shark dreads. However, in true F-U fashion, the frenzy rolled off his back. Trump freely tweeted, “Sorry folks, I’m just not a fan of sharks – and don’t worry, they will be around long after we are gone.” The tweet became a vicarious confirmation of Stormy’s insider reporting.

For me, a wonderful weirdness surfaced in the aftermath of the shark-fear revelation. It came via a sudden nationwide quasi appreciation of sharks, manifesting through a tsunami of donations pouring into shark preservation groups and societies. I’m sorry, but that’s at least partially hilarious to me. And, again, only in America.

Newsweek (newsweek.com) capitalized on the prez’s phobia and the related outpouring of contributions, headlining, “TRUMP'S FEAR OF SHARKS INSPIRES SPIKE IN DONATIONS TO CONSERVATION CHARITIES WORKING TO PROTECT THEM.”

Charities including Atlantic White Shark Conservancy and the Sea Shepherd Conservation Society have confirmed this somewhat disingenuous influx of funding. The incoming cash will quickly go toward saving and perpetuating Trump-freaking sharks. Making the Trump/shark contribution connection duly obvious, many a donator noted “Trump” as their reason for giving.

“We have been receiving donations in Trump’s name since the story was published,” Cynthia Wilgren, chief executive officer and co-founder of Atlantic White Shark Conservancy, told MarketWatch.

So, might our buddies at OCEARCH's Global Shark Tracker, home of the great white Mary Lee, cash in on the moment by naming their next shark Stormy … or The Donald?

Postscript: I can’t be sure of the ultimate intent of those subsidizing the conservation of sharks in Trump’s name, unless, just maybe, it harkens back to SNL’s “Land Shark” days.

Trump’s office:

(Knock, knock. Knock.)

“Whadda ya want? … I’m busy!”

“Candygram for President Trump.”

“Whadda ya mean, Candygram? Who the hell … Wait a minute, you’re that Land Shark, aren’t ya?!”

Pause.

(Knock, knock. Knock.)

“Who is it this time?”

“Stormygram for Donald.”

“Whoa … I’m comin’, I’m comin’!”

(Nom, nom, nom!)

BLACK IS NATURAL: The sands are looking kinda blackish along the beachfront of Holgate. The less-than-white look comes from some truly dark sandy material now being dredged from an ocean bottom area at the mouth of Little Egg Inlet – to then be pumped on-beach, from South Beach Haven southward. It’s the beach refill angle accompanying the dredging of a LEI channel by our old replen buddies at Great Lakes Dredge and Dock Co., which plans on being done the beach re-do by springtime.

The seriously dirty beachified sand, while worrying many an Islander onlooker, deserves a worthy explanation since it actually stems from onetime marine vegetation within a healthy bay and inlet area.

As subaquatic marine vegetation dies, it gets buried by shifting bottom sediments, most often sand. When it gets covered to the point of sealing off oxygen involvement, the bottom literally begins to digest the buried organic material, breaking it into sulfides, including hydrogen sulfide gas. It’s nature’s way of breaking down what amounts to waste material.

So, what does that digestion process have to do with blackened sands? Hydrogen sulfide interacts with nearby metal ions, forming metal sulfides, producing dark-colored solids, lead sulfide being pure black. Simply put, black is the common after-effect color of sulfide – and fully natural. It is in such minute amounts that all it does is stain the sand, a stain sure to fade.

Onward to why the arriving sulfide sand in Holgate might be inordinately dark. Organic material has been gathering on the ocean and inlet bottom near Little Egg for eons atop of eons. There can be a layer for every summer past. It translates into untold layers of discolored material. Such is the case with virtually any inlet … but Little Egg Inlet is far from just any inlet.

Unlike virtually every other inlet along the coastline, LEI’s bottom areas have never once been disturbed by channel-dredging humanity. It is pristine, primeval, sulfide-stained sand now coming to light; a sort of virgin black material.

Might LBI aficionados celebrate what can currently be dubbed “the black sand beaches of Holgate”? While such a dubbing might be a solid sell-point in other parts of the world, especially Hawaii, the black sands of Holgate will be fading, post haste. The dark hue will quickly be rinsed clean, primarily by drenching spring rains and oceanic beach overwashes from storms – perish the thought on the latter. Ironically, ongoing, highly unwanted acid rain – and even an acidified ocean – can act to more quickly clean the sands of sulfide stains. That said, we’d all prefer the sulfide look hanging around a little longer and the acid fading from the rain.

With an eventual resurgence of white sands assured, I’m among those questioning just how much time the “virgin black sand” will need to finally release the sugar-sand hearts of silica grains within. Beaching days aren’t all that far afield. Here’s hoping bleaching days beat them to the sands.

FYI: The granularity of material pumped in from nearshore so-called borrow sites has been closely studied to assure it will eventually become a perfect match for NJ/LBI’s fairly-famed beach sand. In fact, not only will the new LEI sand assume the alluring look and feel common to LBI, but I’m still betting the gravel content in the Holgate material will be far less than was seen, sometimes to an aggravating degree, in the replen material from borrow sites off Harvey Cedars – though that surface stoniness soon sank out of sight on those replenished beaches.

TO TREASURE HUNTING FANS: As to any treasure coming to light from the beach replen of the south end, that would most likely happen when the suction pipes work deeper down, sucking up sand layers from long-gone and shipwreckish times. Admittedly, the odds of finding items like silver or gold Spanish coins within dredged sand is awfully slight. Of course, “awfully slight” is plenty enough for dedicated treasure hunters.

Having dealt with sunken treasure for decades, I’ll note that hydrogen sulfide can eat silver down to the bone. Many of the ancient silver coins found on LBI beaches – and many an ancient Spanish coin has been found – have been eaten down so thinly they can be bent by hand. Coolly, the exact details of the original piece, like a date, are often discernable in even eaten-thin coins.

On the coin salvation side, silver coins that come to rest near a large piece of iron, like an anchor, are protected by the iron, via an electrolytic interaction. I know: spoken like a true treasure hunter, right?

Yes, I’ll be sure to let you know immediately if I start hitting gold coins pumped onto the Holgate beach. Just stay patiently seated near your phones.

jaymann@thesandpaper.net

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